Locked in a Box

Many years ago Pastor Joel did a special sermon called “What’s in the Box?”. My memory of it is a little foggy, but I believe it was about how we all carry around a box. And in our box that we keep so close and protected is our hurts, fears, sadness, regrets, etc. The ending point being that God wants to take that box away so that you don’t have to carry it anymore. The reason this message is on my mind is because God recently found one of my boxes.

This box was hidden away so that no one could find it. I honestly didn’t really know of it’s existence until He asked me about it. Now that it is in my view I can say that I’m shocked I didn’t notice it before based off of its massive size. The box and it’s size were both very surprising to me but it’s contents are what truly troubled me. What I had put inside of my box was God.

You see, I have had a lot of expectations with my kidney journey. First it was that God was going to miraculously heal me and I would never even need a transplant. Well that door got shut and I got a transplant 9 months later. Then surely the journey was over until 8 months later the kidney rejected and I was back on dialysis. Obviously this meant that God wanted to heal me so that the doctors couldn’t take the credit. Obviously He wasn’t going to make me wait that long; Then 6 months passed, 1 year passed, 2 years passed and now I am still here at dialysis 3 times a week 2 and a half years later. With each new expectation I made that box a little smaller.

The most recent size reduction came over the past 6-8 months where I would jump at every opportunity to have a man or women of God pray for me. Surely, if He is going to do it He will use one of His mighty men or women of valor. I even got to the point that one time I had a group of Sunday schoolers pray for me. I mean could you imagine that testimony, “Boy with Kidney Failure healed after being prayed for by a group of 7 year olds.” I had decided in my mind that God was going to use someone else to heal me.

Until He asked me, “When did I tell you that I was going to use someone else?”

To which my response was, “I don’t think you did.”

He replied with, “Then why are you limiting me?”

Needless to say I was speechless. Had I really limited God? Had I really limited the One who is from everlasting to everlasting? The One who exists outside of our realms of time, space and matter? The King above all Kings whose thoughts are above my thoughts and His ways are above my ways? The I am who sees the end before the beginning and says it is so? The short answer is yes.

Faith in its most simplistic definition is the belief that God can do anything. So how can I believe that God can heal me BUT only if He uses someone to lay hands on me and that still qualify as faith. Did you know that mustard seeds grow in pods and that if they are left in the pods for too long and not harvested that the pod will burst open when the seed is fully ripe and the harvest will be lost? God said all it takes is mustard seed faith and I can move mountains, but what is the point if I am planting my mustard seeds still in their pods ultimately limiting their growth?

We build so many boxes around what God can do that His only option is to make our living Hell. Then when it finally gets bad enough we tear down a side of the box to let God work a miracle in our lives. And if He’s lucky we will let Him work a miracle on the unconventional stuff too, like our heart and our motives. Eventually, life gets good again and we put that fourth wall back up and maybe add an extra nail or two for extra security.

I’ve built a pretty big box. It’s going to take a lot of work to break it down. I’ve probably only pulled out the first nail out of hundreds. But with His help one day soon I will have true mustard seed faith. I end this blog with a question. In what area in your life have you put a box around God?