Trusted by God

There’s an amazing woman in my church named Debbie Owens. She is the definition of a pillar. She’s gone through the fire, flood and every other element and she is still standing. Any time I’m ever struggling on a Sunday, my worst day because of the lack of dialysis, all it takes is a hug and a couple of words from her and I can take on the world. There’s a phrase that she will say to me when she’s trying to lift my spirits that simultaneously lifts them but also burdens them. She says, “I am thankful that God trusted you to go through this.”

Each time it hits me as hard as it did the first time she said it. Your telling me that God trusted me with Kidney Failure. That He trusts that I am going to go through this with all of the absolute craziness, through the rejection, through the literally uncountable medications and through getting poked and prodded on a regular basis and still have faith and believe in Him. He trusts me.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about how I do it. How do I take the constant bad news from the doctors along with the medications and dialysis side effects and keep from just throwing my hands up and saying I’m done. Little do they know the amount of times I have done that. The amount of times that I have pulled over on the side of the road because I couldn’t see through the tears. The amount of times I have been so sick and in such pain that I told God I couldn’t and wouldn’t do this anymore.

After I wipe my tears and get back on the road or the pain subsides enough for me to sleep, I wake up the next day and go to dialysis or whatever else I have planned. I would love for my answer to be the faith of God sustains me. Or even the Lords grace is sufficient. While those two things are true and definitely are factors into how I continue day to day, an even bigger motivator is purpose.

The exact purpose is unknown and I may never really know. But what I do know is that God chose me and trusts me to go through this and come out different on the other side. All of which will glorify Him and His Kingdom.

Trust is a two way street. I need to trust that He will bring me through this and not let me die while sitting in my dialysis chair because my blood pressure bottoms out. He has already trusted me with this journey and challenge. He already made his decision to trust me. I am the one who must decide every day that I will trust Him to get me through. All of this is easy to say but anytime I stop living it, it becomes incredibly obvious to those around me.

This is my journey that God has trusted me to go through. What’s yours? And are you returning the favor in trusting in Him to get you through?