When the Mountain Moves You

Been a while since I have posted, but hopefully this one kind of shows why. It has been fairly evident to those around me that the past two months have been a little more rough than usual. Some have just straight up asked me why and then tried to fix it, while others have watched from afar and tried to make me feel better through subliminal messaging and prayers. I think the easiest way to say it is that I have reached my next mountain that I have to traverse.

As Americans, we are commonly known for our stubbornness. If something is in our way, it won’t be for long because we will move it. It doesn’t matter that the door says pull because I am pushing and I will win. Well I may have gotten a double dose of that. I keep just trying to push my way through. Through dialysis. Through work. Through school. Through ministry. Sadly in that order, constantly pushing. Getting absolutely nowhere.

Rather than actually making progress in any of those areas. I have had rougher dialysis’. My work mistakes have increased. My grades have fallen. And my ministry and relationships have wavered. By becoming so resolute in attempting to do it all, I have instead proven that I can do just about nothing. I have been exerting all I have, only to find myself flat on my back at the end of the day. Steve Rodgers, aka Captain America, has a famous line that he says a lot which is, “I can do this all day.” Where no matter how many time he gets beaten down he always gets up.

I’m pretty sure I at least have that part down. No matter how many times I get beaten down, I always get back up. The issue is that I return with the same mode of attack. I immediately go back to pushing with all my might against this mountain that is my life. With me putting all of my energy into trying to just push this mountain on my own, I am not paying attention to what is going on above or below me. Now when some rain comes along, as it normally does on a mountain, and creates some mud, BOOM, I slip. Now instead of on my back I fall face forward. Resulting cuts, scrapes, maybe even a broken or sprained wrist. All of which could have been avoided if I had never been pushing to begin with.

“Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.” – Mark 11:23 New International Version

This is a pretty common verse. It’s often used in collaboration with the message that your faith can do anything. But something I have recently found interesting about it is the lack of work required. It doesn’t say If you point at the mountain then point at the lake and tell it to go, it will. All it says is to speak to it. Nothing more, nothing less. So the first step is learning to speak it and let God do it instead of moving it myself.

One more thing that I found interesting about the mountain being moved is that it doesn’t say the rate at which it will move. I believe that so often we have worked up any and every miracle to only being acceptable if they happen in one single movement. Rather than being a process that happens over time. Which is confusing since God never changes and when He wants to change something in you, 9/10 times He will send you through a journey instead of doing it in one short moment. Not disregarding the times when it happens in a moment because they are still very real and powerful, but just trying to shift my perception and expectations. Back to the verse, I have always somewhat struggled with it because I just could not comprehend how a mountain could move into the sea at once.

I could envision it in my head, but it just looks super cartoonish and truly impossible. But what if the mountain doesn’t move all at once. What if it is a pebble today. A nice sized boulder tomorrow. Then another rock. Suddenly there is a small rockslide. Then a small stone. As each part of the mountain is moved I take a step forward and repeat what I was told to say. Now I am doing 1% of the work I was doing before, which means I am ready and prepared for when the rain comes and brings the mud. Now instead of falling and causing more damage, I stand tall and strong.

I was recently told that I was surviving and not thriving. If you want a single line that hits the nail on the head that is it. Through trying to do this on my own and with my own effort I am causing unnecessary casualties throughout my life. I heard someone once say that God never intends for our journeys to be as hard as we make them. We fall into the trap of trying to take the reigns and control the outcome. He lets us take them and lets us crash. Then has to repair the vehicle and shows us the correct path because we learned the hard way.

While I feel like this is about the 12th time I have learned this particular lesson through this journey, I can finally and definitively say that I do and do not got it. I have accepted that I may never fully learn how to give God total and complete control. Each time I think I do He proves to me that I definitely did not. Going forward I am going to try to just speak instead of pushing. Finally letting God do the work that I was never even supposed to do. Pebble by pebble, rock by rock, His grace is sufficient.