How’s your faith?

Today I am going in for my kidney transplant. I officially found out around 9pm last night. Before I found out last night I had this post scheduled to post today before I even knew about the transplant. God is good. All the time.

One of the elders in my church is known for asking the question, “How’s your soul?” He asks it purely out of love, not trying to catch you in a bad place. The answer is never what you want it to be. To a certain extent the answer doesn’t actually matter, what matters more is do you even know the condition of your soul? Sad to say there were a couple of times where he asked that question and I truly didn’t know the answer, bad or good. So today I would like to modify the question and ask “How’s your faith?” God has asked me this question recently, more than once.

My faith has been struggling recently. As I pass over 3 and a half years on dialysis, it has slowly gotten more and more difficult to “keep the faith”. If one more person tells me to have faith in God then there is a good chance they will get to see a much less Christian side of me. Having faith in God is not a speed race it is a marathon. It is a walk of endurance, it doesn’t matter how fast I can get through dialysis, it matters that I can even make that step to go to dialysis every other day.

In the military, when a plebe is being obnoxious there is a drill the Upper class men like to run. The upper classmen will make a bet that the recruit cannot hold a pencil directly in front of them, arms straight out for 5 minutes. Of course they take that bet, because who can’t hold a pencil in the air for five minutes. But before they get to hold that pencil out, they will start by making the recruit hold a stack of books for 5 minutes. Then they will have them hold a bucket of water out for five minutes. They will continue this about 4 or 5 times, each time decreasing the weight. But by the time they get to the pencil their arms are completely shaking and they ultimately lose the bet.

I have always been intrigued by how God says that all we need is a mustard seed of faith. I was confused because In the beginning I had a mountain of faith. I was basically indestructible because nothing could defeat my faith in God. Now, I get knocked over by a light breeze. But that’s okay, because to continue all I NEED is just a mustard seed. So that when I am on mile 35 and my muscles have all torn and all my strength has gone I am allowed to struggle and still carry my faith.

What is the point of having the most faith of anyone if one week you have that mountain faith and the very next week you have absolutely nothing. God would rather us have consistent faith that is small than inconsistent faith that is big. The disciples had terribly inconsistent faith. They literally went from seeing over 5000 people fed with three loaves and two fish, then less than a chapter later were frantically yelling for God to save them because they couldn’t make it through the storm.

God has really blessed me with my trial. He managed to find something to take me though that there is literally no timeline for when things will be fixed. Conveniently, I could live the rest of my life on dialysis. Also conveniently they are legally not allowed to tell me what spot I am on the transplant list or how long I have left. Hopefully you realize that by saying conveniently I am being extremely facetious. He has given me a trial that the only way to get through it is to trust Him and His timing.

So today I am asking you how is your faith? If it is only the size of a mustard seed then don’t be discouraged. As long as you carry that seed with you every day then that is all you need. If God was able to create entire universes out of less than nothing, then I cannot wait to see what He can and will do with just my mustard seed.